self-empathy emotions – healing process
self-empathy emotions. One of the biggest obstacles in our inner journey and our healing process is the difficulty to self-sooth. It is also called self-regulating, or what I call self-empathy! I will first talk about how this skill develops, and then why is it problematic when we lack it.
First of all, when I’m a baby, I need to be taken care of for my basic needs. In addition, my brain and my nervous system are still immature. Therefore, I am unable to appease myself when I feel a discomfort; whether physical or emotional. self-empathy emotions.
Hence, during early childhood, this ability to appease myself needs to be modeled! I’m going to need healthy models around me; mainly my parents.
Being Comforted Feels Good! 🤗 self-empathy emotions
Being comforted when I need it teaches my whole being that uncomfortable moments are temporary. It helps to better regulate my stress. Receiving comfort also means receiving benevolent and positive attention. And that strengthens my attachment bond with my parents and my eventual need for creating emotional connections with those around me.
Basically, my soul is made of pure unconditional love and incarnates to experience kindness and empathy. And as it turns out; the physical body is already programmed for that! Thanks to my mirror neurons and my capacity to feel; I can observe and feel the benevolence of others. This helps me to develop the same predispositions.
I may also have an empathy that is naturally strong regardless of the models I have… As it is often the case with hypersensitive people, of which I am! Still, empathy is part of my intrinsic nature. Hence, lacking it signals a certain disconnection from that inherent state. That being said; offering empathy to others is often times easier than it is towards ourselves… But why is that?
Comfort Gives Me Worth 💕
Creating emotional ties involves connecting with others. But for that, I need them to connect with me first. This informs me about my personal worth, and determines how I come to connect with myself; positively or negatively. My worth is the value that is placed on the person that I am, but also on what is alive in me; my needs, my feelings, my emotions.
Unfortunately, life isn’t perfect… And when I experience situations where I need to be comforted, and what I get is negligence, criticism, guilt, or humiliation… It gives me the feeling that I am not fully accepted for who I am. It can be real or simply felt; depending on my own sensitivity.
And if this pattern becomes repetitive; lacking empathetic models and opportunities to be comforted when I need it… I too will start to devalue myself. I will reject myself, isolate myself, and think that what I carry within me is not important. It will negatively impact how I connect with myself, my emotions and my needs. In the end, it decreases the attention, empathy and comfort that I think I am entitled to. It also impacts what I think I deserve in life… My worth is my currency!
Being comfortable with uncomfortableness 💪 self-empathy emotions
Receiving empathy when I suffer allows me to tame my own suffering. It also allows me to stay in touch with my ability to feel! Because if I go through uncomfortable physical or emotional states too often or too long… I may want to desensitize myself and cut myself from my feelings. If I do that, I can continue to experience unpleasant states while shoving my emotions under the rug. In doing so, I am unable to understand or express them. And what is not expressed remains stuck inside me!
Cut off from my feelings; I will not have developed a good capacity to recognize my emotions and sooth myself. My need for empathy will therefore become greater and less fulfilled. And any need that I’m unable to meet by myself will have to be fulfilled from the exterior. My behavior will show signs of dependency.
The Different Faces of Lack of Worth 🥺 self-empathy emotions
This dependency can translate to three main trends. First of all; a propensity for selflessness where I give to others while neglecting myself. In this trend, my way of gaining worth is by giving it to others, hoping for a return… Here, I risk exhausting myself; sometimes to the point of sickness. Unfortunately, this is something hypersensitives often do; due to their antennae being directed outward, their great empathy, and their desire to help others. Also, hypersensitives often feel phased out or misunderstood, which also contributes to feeling rejection, neglect, and loneliness.
Lacking empathy can also bring me to isolate myself, to think that I am worth less, to play the victim, or to constantly complain. Because I feel unworthy of empathy, I am afraid to ask and so I beg! And this becomes a turnoff for others.
My need for attention might also becomes insatiable to the point that my connections with others only serve that purpose! Making me demanding, controlling, and reluctant to empathize with the emotions or the needs of others.
Or, I can swing between the three; sometimes savior, sometimes victim, sometimes abuser. However, each state reflects a difficulty in SEEING my truest worth!
When the Body Seeks to Compensate 🍨
Empathy, joy and pleasure produce all of the beneficial hormones like oxytocin, serotonin, endorphines, and dopamine. These provide a feeling of comfort, appeasement, or reward. Now, if I experience some emotional distress without my need for appeasement being met, I may try to find substitution means; like food, alcohol, drugs, sex, porn, gaming, work, social media, etc.
This “artificial” production of hormones can temporarily soothe my lack without actually fulfilling the core need; which is how compulsory habits or addictions settle in. They can also serve to numb my pain. But in truth, what I’m REALLY looking for is connection and comfort… Which fosters my sense of worth!
The Role of Empathy in Healing 💖
That being said, this wound is one of the most common in people, and is often deep and pervasive. And so, in a personal journey, it tends to require more attention and multiple healings (successive layers).
Along my healing process, I can go a certain distance by becoming more aware of my wounds and traumas. However, I may pussyfoot around the wound for a longer time if I am unable to contact my emotions and put the finger on what hurts! But in order to do that, I need empathy… Often times from someone who will show me support, compassion, and non-judgment… Where I will feel accepted unconditionally!
This unconditional acceptance then gradually helps me to tackle my own pain. Over time, I may be able to see my various feelings of indignity and my tendency to put my negative emotions under the rug… To progressively give myself the value and the comfort that I need and deserve!
Developing Our Self-empathy is a Process 🚧 self-empathy emotions
Healing is therefore a process that can take some training and support to get there, when self-empathy is difficult to muster! However, the place where I can start is to see how my value has been negatively affected or forged by my interactions with others throughout my life… and how I came to depreciate myself and/or cut myself off from my emotions. It is by becoming aware that I gradually decondition myself and deprogram certain resistances that I have around giving myself value and comfort.
The more time and attention I give myself, the more I will value my needs and who I am. By giving myself worth, I also come to recognize and set my boundaries. All of this will help me to become more autonomous in meeting my needs and tidy up my relationships.
For my part; coaching, meditation, Reiki cares, and practicing Reiki, have all been of great help in my personal journey! And so, if these approaches ever speak to you, it will be my pleasure to accompany you in this direction. self-empathy emotions
